What Not to Do With An Autistic Child

January 2, 2026

Each child has a unique constellation of strengths, challenges, interests, and learning styles

Raising a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) requires patience, specialized knowledge, and a commitment to understanding their unique world. Parents in Suffolk, Virginia, often find themselves navigating a complex path as they seek the best support for their children. While there is advice available regarding what you should do, it is equally important to understand what behaviors or reactions can hinder a child’s progress. Avoiding certain common pitfalls can significantly improve the quality of life for both the child and the family.

Autism is a developmental condition that affects communication and social interaction. It often involves repetitive behaviors or restricted interests. Because every child on the spectrum is different, a strategy that works for one may not work for another. There are certain universal principles of care that help ensure that children feel safe, understood, and supported. When parents avoid harmful or counterproductive habits, they create an environment where evidence-based therapies like Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) can be most effective.

Norfolk Autism Center works with families in Suffolk and the surrounding Hampton Roads area to answer questions families may have and focus on understanding how their child perceives the world.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Autism Care: Understanding Sensory Sensitivities

One of the most critical mistakes is dismissing a child’s sensory sensitivities. When a child covers their ears in loud places or refuses specific fabrics, they aren’t “being difficult,” they are experiencing real physical discomfort.

Forcing a child to endure sensory triggers increases anxiety and often leads to a sensory meltdown. To support your child, prioritize sensory accommodations rather than dismissal. Simple tools, such as noise-canceling headphones or seamless clothing, can make a significant difference in their daily comfort.

Eye Contact

Forcing eye contact is another common mistake parents make. While many people view eye contact as a sign of respect or attention, for autistic children, it can be uncomfortable or painful. It can distract the child from the conversation or instructions you are giving them.

It is better to focus on whether the child is listening or responding through other means. Communication can be successful without direct eye contact, and pushing for it can create unnecessary stress for the child.

Traditional Punishment

Parents should also avoid using traditional punishment for behaviors related to autism. Meltdowns, stimming, and repetitive movements are often beyond the child’s immediate control. Stimming, which includes behaviors like hand-flapping or rocking, is a natural way for an autistic child to self-soothe or regulate their emotions. Punishing these behaviors can lead to shame and increased anxiety. Unless a behavior is dangerous to the child or others, it is generally best to allow it or gently redirect the child to a similar, safer activity.

Don’t Compare Progress to Peers

Do not compare your child to neurotypical peers or even other children with autism. Every child has a unique set of strengths and challenges. Comparing their milestones to those of others can lead to unrealistic expectations and parental burnout. It is more productive to focus on your child’s individual progress and celebrate the small victories they achieve each day. This mindset fosters a more positive relationship and encourages the child to try new things at their own pace.

How to Avoid Speaking to an Autistic Child

Avoid speaking in metaphors or using overly complex instructions. Many children with autism are literal thinkers. Phrases like “it’s raining cats and dogs” or “break a leg” can be confusing or even frightening. When giving directions, use clear and concise language. Break down tasks into small, manageable steps. If you ask a child to “clean their room,” they may feel overwhelmed. Instead, ask them to “put the toys in the bin” and then provide the next instruction once that is completed.

Always avoid using negative language about autism; it can negatively impact their self-esteem. Avoid using words like “wrong” or “broken.”

Overwhelming Your Child with Change

Autistic children find comfort in routine and things that are predictable. The ABA Centers of America urges parents to limit the amount of change in their autistic child’s life. Introduce changes gradually to minimize stress. An autistic child’s routine is a strategy for managing their sensory sensitivities.

Don’t Set Unrealistic Expectations

Unattainable goals can cause stress and lead to disappointment for you and your child. If a child struggles with social interaction, don’t expect them to initiate conversations at large gatherings. Work toward a manageable goal like having them practice saying “hello” to a couple of family members.

Understanding Eligibility for Autism Services in Virginia

To qualify for professional autism services in Suffolk, families typically follow these steps:

Evaluation: A licensed psychologist assesses the child’s functional needs.
Diagnosis: Confirmation of ASD is required for most professional services.
Therapy: Once eligible, families can begin local programs like ABA therapy.

For very young children, Virginia offers the Infant and Toddler Connection. This early intervention program serves children from birth to age three who have developmental delays. As a child approaches their third birthday, the focus shifts to school-based services or private clinical care. It is essential to start this process as soon as possible because the brain is most receptive to learning during these early years. Parents should not wait to see if a child “outgrows” a delay before seeking a professional opinion.

What to Expect from a Typical Day of Therapy in Suffolk

Experience a purposeful daily routine at Norfolk Autism Center, where we balance one-on-one instruction with social growth. The center’s Board Certified Behavior Analysts use Discrete Trial Training (DTT) for skill building and Natural Environment Training (NET) for child-led, motivated learning. From morning transitions to supervised peer play, our clinicians provide the coaching your child needs to master communication and social nuances in a supportive environment.

Clinical Evidence-Based Autism Care in Virginia

Quality ABA therapy relies on decades of research to help children thrive. Our clinical approach focuses on three core pillars:

Functional Behavior Assessments (FBA): We look beyond the behavior to identify its “why”—whether the child is seeking attention or escaping a task. We then teach functional replacement behaviors to meet those needs effectively.
Positive Reinforcement: We use meaningful rewards like favorite toys or verbal praise to encourage desired actions. This proven method builds skills more effectively than traditional discipline by focusing on what a child should do.
Family Training & Consistency: Success shouldn’t stop at the clinic door. We provide regular parent training to ensure the same strategies are used at home in Suffolk, leading to faster, lasting results.

Continuum of Services in Suffolk

The length of care for autism services is highly individualized. Some children may require intensive, full-time therapy for several years to build a strong foundation of skills. Others may benefit from a part-time schedule that focuses on specific goals like social communication or school readiness. The clinical team at Norfolk Autism Center regularly reviews the child’s progress to determine if the level of care should be adjusted. The ultimate goal is to move the child toward greater independence.

A child might start in a center-based program to address significant developmental gaps. As they improve, they might transition to a school-based or home-based program. This “stepping down” of services allows the child to apply their skills in more natural settings while still having a safety net of professional support.

Parents should also consider the “stepping up” of care during times of transition. Moving from preschool to elementary school, or entering adolescence, can bring new challenges for a child on the spectrum. During these periods, increasing the frequency of therapy can provide the extra support needed to navigate the change. Having a flexible program that can adapt to the child’s life stages is essential for long-term success in Virginia.

How Virginia Families Can Pay for Autism Care

Managing the costs of autism therapy is a top priority for families in Suffolk. Virginia has passed several laws to ensure that families have access to affordable care. The state requires most commercial insurance plans to cover ABA therapy for individuals with ASD. Additionally, the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act ensures that insurance companies do not set more restrictive limits on mental health or developmental services than they do for medical and surgical care. This means your coverage should be robust and reliable.

Virginia Medicaid provides extensive coverage for autism services through the Early and Periodic Screening, Diagnostic, and Treatment (EPSDT) benefit. This program covers all “medically necessary” treatments for children under 21, including ABA, speech therapy, and occupational therapy. For families with low or moderate incomes, Medicaid can be a life-changing resource. The process involves an initial application and a subsequent clinical authorization to ensure the services meet the state’s medical standards.

Parents should check for deductibles, co-pays, and any annual benefit caps that may apply to their plan. Norfolk Autism Center offers assistance with insurance verification and can create a financial plan that allows your child to receive the care they need without putting unnecessary financial stress on your family.

Most Medicaid and private insurance plans require a formal diagnosis using standardized tools like the ADOS-2. The therapy must be deemed “medically necessary.” This means the child’s symptoms must significantly interfere with their daily life or development.

Aftercare and Local Resources in Norfolk and Suffolk

Support for a child with autism does not end when they leave the clinic for the day. Norfolk and Suffolk offer several resources to help families manage daily life and plan for the future. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is a vital resource for anyone experiencing a mental health crisis. By calling or texting 988, you can connect with trained counselors who can provide immediate support and local referrals. For medical emergencies or situations where safety is at immediate risk, you should always call 911.

Local agencies like the Norfolk Community Services Board provide case management and other essential services for residents. These boards help families access state waivers and community-based support programs. Additionally, groups like the Autism Society of Tidewater offer parent support groups and sensory-friendly events. Connecting with other families who are on a similar journey can provide emotional support and practical advice that is hard to find elsewhere.

As a child transitions out of intensive therapy, discharge planning becomes a focus. This involves identifying the next steps in the child’s educational and social life. The therapy team works with the family to ensure that the progress made in the clinic is maintained at school and in the community.

How to Compare Quality Autism Programs

Not all autism programs are equal. When evaluating providers in Suffolk, use this checklist to ensure your child receives high-quality, ethical care:

Verified Credentials: Make sure every program is overseen by a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) and that direct care is provided by Registered Behavior Technicians (RBTs).
Child-Led Philosophy: Look for “Natural Environment Training” that uses your child’s interests to drive learning. Norfolk Autism Center uses Montessori-inspired, sensory-friendly spaces to foster independence through play—avoiding overly rigid or “clinical” environments.
Transparent Parent Partnership: Quality care requires data transparency. Choose a program that offers regular family training and provides clear data tracking so you can see your child’s progress in real time.

Why Virginia Families Choose Norfolk Autism Center

When Virginia families are seeking autism care and support, they want to trust the center has their best interest at heart.

The facility is designed specifically for young children, offering a sensory-friendly space where they can learn and grow. We integrate Montessori principles with traditional ABA to create a learning environment that is both effective and enjoyable. Whether your child is just starting their journey or you are looking for a new level of support, Norfolk Autism Center will guide you every step of the way.

We serve families from all over the region, including Norfolk, Suffolk, Chesapeake, and Virginia Beach. We understand the local landscape of Virginia’s autism services and can help you navigate everything from initial diagnosis to insurance authorization. When you choose us, you are joining a community of professionals and families who are all working toward the goal of helping your children reach their full potential.

How to Start Your Journey with Us

Beginning autism therapy is a significant milestone, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Norfolk Autism Center, we provide a clear, supportive admissions process designed to put your family at ease.

Our Simple 3-Step Admissions Process

Free Consultation: Norfolk Autism Center offers a free consultation to discuss your child’s unique needs and therapy goals.
Insurance & Diagnosis Support: Our expert team guides you through Virginia insurance coverage and the requirements for a formal autism diagnosis.
Comprehensive Evaluation: We conduct a professional assessment of your child’s current skills to build a personalized treatment plan tailored to your family’s priorities.

Once the assessment is complete, we coordinate your schedule to begin therapy sessions focused on growth and developmental milestones. We are proud to support families with high-quality autism services in Suffolk.

To schedule an appointment or to speak with one of our clinical experts, please call us at 757-777-3229. You can also visit our contact page to send us a message online.

Helpful Links

For more information on autism spectrum disorder, evidence-based treatments, and Virginia state resources, please visit the following authoritative websites: