Supporting Siblings of Children with Autism

May 6, 2025

Choosing the right autism treatment center for your child can be one of the most significant—and often overwhelming—decisions you will make as a parent

When a family includes a child with autism, the attention, energy, and resources often naturally flow toward meeting their specific needs. While this focus is necessary, siblings of children with autism have their own unique experiences that require acknowledgment and support. These brothers and sisters navigate complex emotions and situations that can shape their development in profound ways.

Understanding the Sibling Experience

Siblings of children with autism often experience a range of emotions. Many develop remarkable compassion, patience, and understanding beyond their years. They may feel protective of their brother or sister and take pride in helping them navigate the world. However, these positive aspects often coexist with more challenging feelings.

Many siblings experience occasional jealousy or resentment about the disproportionate attention their sibling receives. They might feel guilty about these negative emotions, creating a complicated emotional landscape. Some siblings also shoulder worry about the future or feel pressure to be “perfect” to avoid creating additional stress for their parents.

Creating Special Time

Perhaps the most effective strategy for supporting siblings is establishing regular one-on-one time. This dedicated attention communicates that they matter and provides space for connection away from the sometimes intense dynamics at home.

This special time doesn’t need to be elaborate. Even 15-20 minutes of focused attention can make a significant difference:

A weekly breakfast date at a favorite café
An evening walk where they lead the conversation
A monthly movie night where they choose the film
Regular time to pursue a shared interest or hobby

During these moments, make the sibling the center of attention. Ask open-ended questions about their experiences, listen attentively, and validate their feelings without judgment.

Teaching Healthy Boundaries

While siblings often develop beautiful qualities through their experiences, it’s crucial to ensure they don’t take on inappropriate caregiving responsibilities or sacrifice their own needs entirely.

Help siblings understand which behaviors they should accommodate and which ones they can set boundaries around. For example, a sibling might understand that their brother needs certain routines, but they shouldn’t have to tolerate aggressive behavior.

Teach phrases like “I need some quiet time right now” or “I’m happy to play, but I don’t want to play the same game for more than 20 minutes.” Practice these together so they become comfortable expressing their needs respectfully.

Supporting Social Navigation

Siblings often face questions or comments about autism from peers, which can be challenging to navigate. Help them develop simple, confident responses to common questions:

“My brother has autism, which means his brain works differently than most people’s.”
“Sometimes he needs space when things get too loud or busy.”
“He’s really amazing at remembering facts about dinosaurs.”

Role-play potential scenarios so they feel prepared when situations arise. Also, help them identify trusted adults at school they can turn to if peer interactions become difficult.

Watching for Signs of Stress

While many siblings adapt well, some may experience significant stress that requires additional support. Watch for warning signs such as:

Declining academic performance
Withdrawal from activities or friends
Increased irritability or emotional outbursts
Physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches
Sleep disturbances
Excessive worry about their sibling or parents

If these signs appear persistently, consider seeking support from a professional who understands the unique experiences of siblings of children with special needs.

Building a Support Network

Connections with others who understand their unique experiences can be invaluable for siblings. Consider:

Sibling support groups where children can share experiences with peers who truly understand
Special events or camps for siblings that provide both fun and emotional support
Books featuring characters who have siblings with autism

These connections help siblings understand they’re not alone in their experiences and provide models for navigating challenges.

Celebrating Unique Strengths

Many siblings develop remarkable qualities through their experiences, including exceptional empathy, patience, adaptability, and advocacy skills. Take time to acknowledge and celebrate these strengths.

“I noticed how patient you were when your brother needed extra time to get ready. That’s a special quality that will serve you well throughout your life.”

“The way you explained autism to your friend showed such compassion and understanding. I’m really proud of how you help others see your sister’s strengths.”